In part one of this leadership series I gave you a few general tips on how to drag your inner leader kicking and screaming out of the School of Submission and get some well deserved control. And it’s not easy: if we’re used to giving in, giving up and going with the consensus, taking a stance on anything can seem pretty foreign and frightening. Family and friends are going to be put out, bummed out and, above all, confronted that you’re suddenly not the ball of putty you used to be. So in part two we’ll continue on your road to inner leadership; a road that requires no foot stomping and soap boxing, just a nice confident march into self respect. Let’s first face your dilemma.
People might not like me if I start saying no
Well, guess what, if people walk all over your red carpet of malleability, they hardly like you in the right ways anyway. In fact they’re taking advantage. For example, a born ‘people pleaser’ – we’ll call her Rachel – has a hot date. She’s getting ready for this date when a friend – let’s call her Phoebe- calls asking if she can babysit. Rachel loves to say yes because she loves to please. Actually, she says yes because she hates to disappoint and she’s said yes at the expense of her own happiness for exactly nineteen hot dates. Effectively she’s disappointed herself nineteen times so she doesn’t disappoint someone else. Crazy, but we all do it.
Cue Rachel’s inner leader
Rachel tells Phoebe she can’t babysit, she has a date. “Oh?” says Phoebe with a tone positively dripping in indignant surprise. Rachel hears this, but doesn’t bend. She gets her date, a healthy dose of self respect, and her days as a soft target for Phoebe are over. For sure, Rachel will babysit again, but she won’t babysit every single time she’s asked.
From beholden to golden
That’s the joy of inner leadership. You don’t suddenly go from obliging to obstinate. You don’t suddenly refuse every favour that got you in favour in the first place. You simply pick and choose your moments according to what works for you. Pick one right now. Think of a way your life is being compromised. Who or what is the prime reason? Confront it, cue your inner leader and lead it ever so nicely to where you want to go.
Here’s to a world of happiness!
Dylan Forbes, B.Sc. Psych (Hon.), Pr. AINLP
For more visit www.leaderskill.com.au(added if on another site)